Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
