Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
