you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
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