could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
