Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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