My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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