FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
