I'm lost and stupid without you.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
being pregnant is like rehab
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
