i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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