I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize