so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Someone stole a lamp last night.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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