I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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