Nicole vs. Life
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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