every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
