after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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