I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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