i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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