so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
