So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
