If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
