Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
