Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
