and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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