is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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