I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
