why didn't you poke me back
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
