I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
