You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Randomize
