using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Randomize
