with your own penis?
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
