Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
