no you cant smoke seaweed
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
