I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
