where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
