bring money and cleavage
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
