.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's shark week go big or go home
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
