remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
