I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
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