I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
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