dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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