Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
