I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
