Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
