I just made out with a guy for $7.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Randomize
