you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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