put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
