"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Randomize
