Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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