I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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