she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize