That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
