i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
