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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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