If i come over, it means nothing
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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