Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
