I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
