nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
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