i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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