The brown eye won't let me do that either.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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