I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
