He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
