hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
