He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
