does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
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