We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
