I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
