What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
where am i from again
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
