drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
