we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
