The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
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