First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
