I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
