Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
