I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
